Double Heart

I've had a lot of time to just hang out with the family, which has been wonderful. The last two days, I've been reading (my favorite pastime - I told Mama the other day that when my most difficult decision is which book to read first, my life is bliss) while my family watches football. I sit in a chair or on the couch with my book, the TV is on, the fam's gathered around (well, at least my parents), and I look up every now again to see the game or laugh at my parent's banter. It is been perfect. Mama apologized for being boring, but honestly, this is more wonderful than I can really describe. To just relax and do nothing except read and eat and joke and watch football...Its great. The other great thing is that Daddy is here! He's not off covering one of these ball games, so I get to watch him watch the game. It has been enlightening. :)

Amid all this wonderful relaxation, I've had lots of thinking time. I've been thinking a lot about God's will and what is means to follow Him and His faithfulness in my life and His conviction. Shocker, right? :) I know I've written about this over and over. I really am amazed at how the Lord has worked in my life this year. I guess what I've been experiencing most this week is His conviction, in the little things. Mostly with my attitude and my selfishness. I've felt that keen struggle to defeat myself and surrender to the attitude and perspective that I know God wants me to have. Its been good. I've failed most often, or else I have to take a minute, really fight, and then barely choose God's way. There's always a moment or two of failure in there. And then God deals with me in it as I'm changing my perspective. Really, I can't imagine a more loving Father than the Lord. I have a pretty great Daddy, but compared to God...I don't know. Its indescribable, really. That love, the combination of conviction and teaching and encouragement, well, I am so thankful for it.

Now I'm off to Atlanta for a few days! Then home, Rebecca's wedding, and back to school. This break is FLYING by!

It's The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year

Highlights from this year's Christmas season:

- Christmas parties and fun at school
- coming HOME!
- baking Christmas cookies with Mama
- singing in the Christmas Eve service
- looking out over the congregation lit up by candle light
- continuing our tradition of eating Christmas Eve dinner with our friends Kathy, Clark, and Madison
- Christmas morning gift giving; I got to hand out the presents this year, which was fun
- watching movies on Christmas day
- SNOW! My first white Christmas!
- Eating and eating and eating
- Singing at church on the 26th
- Helping Mama with her 2nd annual post-Christmas dinner with her "supper club" (really, its a bunch of friends who all take turns inviting each other over for dinner. They are funny. I was invited to attend for the first time - guess I'm growing up)

It was a wonderful Christmas season. And the holidays aren't over yet! Still have New Year's coming up. Not to mention all the time with family and friends until I go back to school. Its great to be home.

Do You Smell What I Smell?

Want to know what I've been doing? The past day and a half, Mama and I have been baking these...

Yes, my friends, I have been baking! It was Mama's idea; she got the house all beautifully decorated for Christmas, and we knew something was missing. Christmas cookies just add that special touch. So we got to work! Yesterday we baked and baked and baked and baked! I'm really pleased with the results.

Snowballs

Snowball coookies are some of my favorites. Mama likes them because they aren't too sweet, and I agree with her. The powdered sugar plus the pecans is light but delicious!

Craisin Oatmeal

Ok, so I make these oatmeal cookies all the time. They are really special to me, but the recipe I got from the top of a container of Quaker Old Fashioned Oatmeal! They are so good and addicting (plus, you don't feel bad about grabbing one for breakfast because after all, there's oatmeal in it!). To mix things up and make them more festive, Mama recommended I used craisins. I rarely use raisins in them (I don't really like raisins), but craisins sounded interesting, and I think they turned out really well!

Chocolate Fudge Cookies

(In my mind, Karen's cookies)

These cookies are basically all chocolate. I'd never made them before, so Mama had to help me. They took the longest, but they turned out good. Verry sweet. Very chocolatey. There are three kidns of chocolate in these cookies. Karen, you could die. Seriously. I'd ship them to you in Pennsylvania, but they wouldn't be fresh. Daddy and Grayson really like them (which is NOT a surprise), so that is all that matters!

Well, its been a fun day and a half baking cookies with Mama. Now we have to set about to the most difficult taks ever - eating them! I'm sure that will be hard to do! :)

Joy To The World!

One of the best parts of being home is that I get to go to my home church! I love my church. You know the saying about how it takes a village to raise a child? Well, the village that helped raise me is my church.

It was not only good to see dear friends who I haven't seen since early summer, but it was so good to hear a sermon from my pastor. Pastor Kallam is such a wise teacher, who somehow always manages to preach on something that I've struggled with or that is really applicable to my life. Today was no exception! He talked about hope and anticipation for Jesus. He preached on the response of the learned men in King Herod's court who easily told the king where the Messiah was to be born yet showed no excitement or curiosity versus the response of Simeon, who rejoiced and who had waited and waited and waited for Jesus' birth. It was interesting to be reminded of what it truly means to hope. n

I think that sense of anticipation is my favorite part of Christmas; even people who aren't Believers still have that excitement, that hope (and its because of Him, they just don't know it). I love that. I love feeling that sense of waiting eagerly, the joy and excitement. And my pastor challenged me today, because shouldn't I live with that hope and anticipation every day?

Simeon's hope defined his life. He built his life around waiting, anticipating, and hoping for the Savior. And Jesus has come, He is Emmanuel, God with us. And He is coming again! I want that to be the basis of my life. I want to build my life around that knowledge, that Jesus has come and He is coming back. In that, there is so much joy and faith and celebration and certainty and confidence. I want to live with that promise at the center of all I do.

Time In Between

I'm home! It is so good to be here with my family. Last night I got to see some friends, one of whom I hadn't seen in two years! That was so fun, to reconnect and get life updates and laugh about old memories. I've known my friend Marge since she visited my old school in fourth grade and then started attending in fifth grade. I met Liz and Ashley in 8th grade, and then Mary Grace when I was in 9th grade. A few members of our high school group of friends weren't able to come to our "Little Christmas" this year (we missed Claire, Catherine, and Caitlyn), but it was still so good to see Marge, Ash, MG, and Liz. 

It was fun to talk about co-op and the things we used to do and old teachers who we loved and old jokes that still make us laugh. Sometimes those days seem so long ago and far away, but then other times it feels like yesterday.

I loved getting to see those girls, and hopefully I will get to see at least a few of them again before I go back to school! And Liz and Marge are already planning to come visit me! Yay!

Emmanuel

I've been very struck by the meaning of Christmas this year. God has shown me different things about Christmas, things I knew but didn't realize.

Our God came to be with us. I don't realize the full meaning of the name Emmanuel - God with us. That is Who Jesus is. He is God here on earth with us! He didn't just watch us from Heaven, He didn't just love us from afar, God chose to come and save us. He walked with us, He taught us, He laughed and ate and sorrowed with us. He gave up Heaven and chose to dwell on this sinful earth to be with us! That is a love unlike any I've ever heard of.

Christmas is all about God being with us, God coming for us, to be with us and save us from our sin. I guess part of my does think of God as being in Heaven; yes, I have His spirit living inside me, but I won't be with Him till Heaven. Which is true. But I forget that He came to earth, He came to where I am, in order to save me. What other god has done that? What other god loves so truly and deeply and incomprehensibly? God is more than words, more than good thoughts and empty promises. God has done what He said He would do. He put His words to action, and He lived He love for us. He is Emmanuel, God with us!

Mercies New

I've been thinking about a lot of things this week. The past two days, I've been thinking a lot about God's love and grace.

I know what it is do things for people and for them to spit on your face. I hear complaints over things I've planned and worked on for days. I've given my all and been rejected. No gratitude, no polite responses,  not even a fake offer of thanks, nothing except grumbling, complaining, and the sense of entitlement.

Today I was complaining about that to Karen, when all of a sudden it hit me. That is what God hears all the time. He gets spit upon, He gets complaints and He gets mocked and He gets pride and selfishness and entitlement as a response to His sacrifice and love.

I think about Jesus sacrificing it all to come to earth as a little baby who can't even take care of itself. I think about Jesus being with His Father and choosing to give it all up for a bunch of people who complain and mock and reject Him. And He knew that is how we would respond! Yet He did it anyway!

In the face of that rejection, God still loves. He still forgives. He still looks at me and weeps over me and feels such great love for me that I cannot comprehend and He pursues me and He gives me so much grace. I am nothing like my Father; I am so far from Him that sometimes I wonder how He could want to forgive me, yet He still does. I don't understand it, I honestly don't. I cling to my sin, my false entitlement, my pride, my selfishness, my self-reliance, my independence. I hold onto it, and when God offers me His grace, I fling those things into His face. And now I have some small sense of how that feels, and it breaks my heart. God wants my heart, He wants my worship, He wants my love and thankfulness. And I have all that to give Him. I know what He has done for me, even if I can't grasp the full measure. I know His sacrifice, and yet I still spit on Him. How much worse is that than if I didn't know Him at all!

I'm so thankful that God has opened my eyes a little to this. I am so far from Him, so completely nothing. That He chooses to love me despite my nature, that He chooses to make me new, to patiently train my heart and mind to match His...my only response is awe, gratitude, and worship.

The Christmas Song (Merry Christmas To You)

And the Christmas season is in full swing!

After a busy week, I was very thankful when Friday arrived! My friend Emily and I adventured to Bald Rock and Caesar's Head for the afternoon, which was amazing! Looking out over the hills was beautiful. Breathtaking.

On Friday night, I went to Katie and Chelsea's room. We made dinner (this Asian salad - it was actually really good!), and then Katie convinced me to go ice skating with them! RUF, a campus ministry was sponsoring it, and I am so glad I went. There were so many great people there, and it was really fun! It was only my third or fourth time ice skating in my life, but I sort of got the hang of it. Katie graciously skated with me (after she lied to me and Chelsea, saying she wasn't good at skating. That was a lie. She is a beautiful ice skater!), as did Julie. A number of the RAs from my prayer group were there, so we skated a lap together. That was funny.

The Whole Group

Anyway, that was really fun. Saturday morning came way to early, as we had Open House (sort of a pre-rush example of what rush is like). That was fun. Exhausting, but fun. Afterwards, I went back to my room, got in bed, talked to my parents on the phone, and took a short nap. I woke up and was thinking about going back to sleep when I heard these footsteps racing down the hall and then pounding at my door. I get up, open the door in a daze with a mattress mark on my face. Its Mary Grace, Kristin, and Morgan. They start screaming/babbling about these extra tickets to the Biltmore. I was really confused and then finally I understood.

Our student activities board had a raffle for tickets to the Biltmore in Asheville. You could get a pair of tickets for $40, a steal, especially at Christmastime. Julie had won tickets, and she and Mary Grace were going to go together, but then they both got asked by other people. Morgan and I really wanted to go, but Mary Grace and Julie had sort of already given their tickets to someone else. Morgan and I talked about ways to set Morgan up with someone, etc. but it didn't work out. But then, Morgan got a phone call yesterday saying that two people had backed out, so there were two extra tickets! Morgan took one, and she said she knew someone else who wanted to go, and so I got the other ticket!

After getting ready in about 15 minutes, we headed to the buses! Morgan and I were on the bus with Julie and Cole and Mary Grace and Dave, so that was fun. We got to have dinner there - it was so good! We took pictures, joked around, told stories, and then it was finally time to go to the actual Biltmore!

Walking in this huge house that I had heard so much about from Daddy, who loves the Biltmore, was so cool! All the rooms, all the architecture, all the art, all the history that was in that house! So cool. I loved walking through all the rooms. The downstairs was cool, but I loved the second story and the basement the best. It was neat to walk through all the bedrooms. Actually, I found "my" bedroom at the Biltmore. It had this beautiful fireplace, and I loved the fabrics that were used. The basement was incredible! The bowling alley, the swimming pool! I really wish I could have visited the Biltmore when the Vanderbilt family still lived there and had water in the swimming pool. I loved looking at the kitchen and servant's quarters as well. It was so interesting!

Anyway, after we wandered through the house, we headed outside, where we got the professional picture we had taken in front of one of the Christmas trees. We purposefully tried to make it funny and awkward, and we succeeded. We weren't going to buy it, but it was too good to pass up, so we all chipped in. Then we got some hot drinks (I got caramel apple cider - yum!), and Morgan and I headed to the gift shop. Soon we just wandered around outside, tried to take pictures (although it was very dark and cold and rainy). Then we got back on the bus and watched Elf the whole way home! What a great night!  It was so spur of the moment, but it was so fun! I would love to go back to the Biltmore in the day (and when it was warmer) so I could see the gardens and things too.  Maybe we'll do a family trip sometime, right, Daddy? :)

Not a very good picture, but its the Biltmore!

Mary Grace, Julie, and I

Some of my pledge class!

Cameron, Mary Grace, Julie, me, and Katie S

With the lion statue

It was freezing, and this lion has no protection from the wind!

 Outdoor Christmas trees!

Emily took this picture. It shows the house and the tree better

O Come, O Come, Emmanuel!

O come, O come, Emmanuel

And Ransom captive Israel

That mourns in lonely exile here

Until the Son of God appears

Rejoice! Rejoice!

Emmanuel shall come to thee, O Israel

O come, Thou Day-spring, come and cheer

Our spirits by Thine advent here

Disperse the gloomy clouds of night

And death's dark shadows put to flight

Rejoice! Rejoice!

Emmanuel shall come to thee, O Israel

O come, o come, Desire of nations

Bind in one the hearts of all mankind

Bid our sad divisions cease

And be Thyself our king of peace

Rejoice! Rejoice!

Emmanuel shall come to thee, O Israel