The Meaning of "Tornado"

The word "tornado" has taken on a new meaning for anyone living in the state of Alabama. Tornado warnings or watches are pretty routine in my home state. When I was a little girl, I used to be terrified of storms, and every time the siren went off I would go get in bed with my parents, or sleep downstairs while they were still awake, or just hide somewhere. Every spring is marked by storms and tornado warnings of some kind. Slowly, the sirens became routine for me. Sometimes these storms would cause damage, but for the most part, there was never anything too bad. Maybe the tornado was spotted but never touched the ground, or maybe it touched but didn't cause too much damage.

Last April, I was sitting in the library studying when I got on facebook for a minute. I saw pictures pop up on my news feed of devastation from the tornadoes that ripped through Alabama (and parts of Mississippi and Georgia). I was shocked. "Oh my gosh!" I said, "There were tornadoes yesterday, and so many places were destroyed!" Someone at my table looked at me and said, "Well, it was a tornado. Tornadoes typically do damage." I couldn't explain my shock, because these storms were so routine for me that they no longer had significance, I no longer really saw them as a threat. That day in April, I was suddenly coldly reminded of the truth.

When I went home in May, I volunteered at Christian Service Mission for a month before I went to Hungary. There I truly saw the affects of the storms firsthand. I was responsible for taking orders from various churches, families, and organizations who needed supplies  like water, food, tools, etc. Every day I talked to hundreds of people on the phone, writing down their needs. I went to places like Pratt City (an area in Birmingham) and Webster's Chapel (a few hours away) and saw the devastation. I remember there was another threat of a storm that month, and I can still hear Mama saying, "That is the last thing we need." It wasn't so much another tornado that was the problem, but the fear, the memories, the sorrow that would all be aroused because of even a siren going off.

And yesterday, it happened again.  It doesn't matter that the storm was more concentrated this time. We are Alabama, as the news slogan says. Every person in my state (and those of us currently outside it) felt the impact of that storm. We know what this means. Many of us know firsthand what it is to lose everything. The rest of us know what it is to grieve with each other, to band together, to immediately start working to rebuild, to do all we can to be what is needed. I am so proud of my state, I am so proud of the people there, of the way we are truly a community. I am also so thankful for those outside who volunteered after the April storms and who are already asking what they can do again.

Yes, tornadoes are terrible things. Yes, they have taken on a new meaning for those of us who call Alabama home. But the beauty is, that meaning isn't all negative. Tornadoes represent destruction, confusion, loss, grief, fear. But they also represent unity, restoration, brotherhood, community. And that is something to be proud of.

Masks and Scars

We are broken people. Even as Believers, we are broken. Our lives are filled with deception, sorrow, confusion. Our souls are desperate, so desperate for something - love, acceptance, beauty, perfection. I see these many struggles to fake strength, to act like everything is fine, to justify ourselves, to prove that our choices are good, to promote one's own things as best and right and true. Even when we know Jesus, even we know the truth that sets us free, we keep struggling to prove ourselves  over and over. We keep looking, we keep trying for perfection. We are defensive. We are proud. We prove our point. We put ourselves first, our own interests first. We are broken.

I don't say these things in a judgemental way. I've heard so many things lately, but God has laid them on my heart in a new way, opening my ears to hear beyond the words to the heart yearning behind them. We long for something more - we were intended to long for something more, but how many times, even when we know the Truth, do we continue walking as though we are still searching? We are so broken and desperate.

 The thing that we hunger for is completion.  We are not complete until we not only believe and accept that we cannot do it on our own, that perfect holy Jesus had to take our place, that He conquered death and prepared a way for us, but until we know these things, until we know without a doubt that there is absolutely no other way. I am not enough. Nothing I do is enough. Yet I keep pretending. We want acceptance, we want understanding, we want love. There is only One who satisfies.

This journey that He leads us on is messy. (I watched a video in class the other day that showed a potter. Making something out of clay is dirty work. The potter's hands are covered in goop. He continually shapes the clay, and then he smashes it down and forms it again. The potter goes through this process over and over. This video was such a beautiful picture of how God works in our lives.) The journey that He leads us on can seem complicated, it can hurt sometimes, we can be confused, we can wonder and think we are wandering aimlessly, it forces us to make hard decisions. We walk in the valley of the shadow of death. We see the "easier" path alongside us. But God did not call me to easy. I will be broken, time and again. I will be hurt and confused and I will try to hide myself from everyone else. I will try to pretend I am the "perfect Christian," but in truth, there is no such thing (what freedom there is in that! There is no such thing as the perfect Christian!). I will be scarred, but these scars are beautiful and they show that I am loved, that I am being made new.

Perspective

At church on Sunday, the pastor spoke about Romans 8:18, which says, "I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us." I love Romans 8, but this verse hit me in a new way. The pastor talked about how the hard things in our lives are disproportionate to what God has in store. He gave an example, saying, "If I take my daughter to the doctor, she will ask me if she has to have a shot. When she does, I say yes. She asks me if it will hurt, and I tell her that it will. But, I tell her, it will not hurt long and if she is brave and trusts me, when it is over, I will buy her an ice cream cone. Those things are proportionate, a shot and an ice cream cone. Now, what if I told her that if she is brave and trusts me, then I will buy her the entire Breyer's company so that she is a millionaire at the age of ten and able to eat ice cream whenever she wants? That is entirely disproportionate to a shot. Yet that is what God promises us."

I absolutely love that. God's glory, His love for us, His plan and His home for us is entirely out of league with the things we go through here on earth (things that, I should add, are the result of our own sinful choices). Without a doubt, I deserve the struggles I have here on earth plus a whole lot more. Yet God is extravagant. His love for me is beyond my comprehension, and He looks at me and says, "Trust me. Love me. I have something so much better for you than you can even imagine. In this world, you will have trouble, but take heart! I have overcome the world! Your present sufferings are hard, but they are not worth comparing to the glory that I will reveal in you." God says that to me.

I have been thinking lately about my time in Hungary last summer. I learned a lot about relying on God in every moment for everything. Back in the states, things are easier. I am self-sufficient here. If I have a problem, I know what the answer is. I don't rely on God in the same way, which I hate. And that is, I think, part of the reason why God still has me here, because if I do not know how to be totally dependent and reliant on Him here, then what is my faith? It is easy to rely on Him when life is hard, not just the struggles but when you literally don't know what to do in a situation because you don't know the language or how to drive a stick or what the custom is there, etc. I think back on the struggles that I had last summer, and they were so big but they were so good. I saw God at work in every moment. And here at school, my struggles are with other people or doing my work or handling stupid little issues that don't really matter. I can see clearly when I step back that these struggles are not worth comparing to "real" struggles, much less the future glory that awaits me!

But as Mama says, my real is my real. My current struggles are not "less" than ones I had last summer. They are different, yes, and it is good to be given some perspective. But these struggles are still my struggles. God still calls me to run to Him with them. He still calls me to trust Him first, even when I am "home," in a place where I know the answers to so many problems. As a servant of God, I comment myself inevery way: in great endurance; in troubles, hardships and distresses (of any kind)...in hard work, sleepless nights and hunger; in purity, understanding, patience and kindness; in the Holy Spirit and in sincere love; in truthful speech and in the power of God; with weapons of righteousness in the right hand and in the left; through glory and dishonor, bad report and good report; genuine yet regarded as an impostor; known, yet regarded as unknown; dying and yet I live on; beaten yet not killed; sorrowful yet always rejoicing; poor, yet making many rich; having nothing yet possessing everything. I have truly found something of greater value than my dreams for myself, than my own ideas of what is good, than my struggles of every kind.

In this world I will have trouble, but I take heart, because He has overcome the world. My present struggles are not worth comparing to the glory that will be revealed in me.

His Joy is My Strength

The joy of the Lord is my strength. That is a thought that has caught my attention a few times in the last year but especially this week. The idea of finding my strength in God's joy is fascinating.

My initial thought was about the things that God takes joy in - our love for Him, when we obey Him, etc. But as you know if you've read my blog for any period of time, those things put a lot of weight on "me." No, it isn't actually me doing those things, its the Holy Spirit in me, molding me to be like Jesus, but I am someone who takes control, makes lists, figures out how to accomplish what needs to be done. Yet God's joy isn't in what I do for Him. His joy is in me. He delights in me. He loves me as He made me, and He loves me as He makes me new. His joy is in me. That blows my mind. I fail and fail and fail, but that is the point. There is so much freedom in that thought! His joy is in me!

And thus, His joy is my strength. I find my strength, my power, my will to go on in His joy for me and all that that entails.  The joy of the Lord is my strength.

I constantly put a lot of things on myself, I often take back control of my life. I like to be in charge, I like to know the plan, I like to have the direction. But that isn't what God calls me to. God called me to freedom, freedom from my own self, freedom from what I think is best, freedom from my sense of responsibility. God has given me freedom to do nothing else but love Him with all of my heart, soul, mind, and strength. Out of that love flows everything else. Yes, sometimes those things are hard, and loving Him means (for me) wrestling and choosing and surrendering and allowing Him to do through me. But in loving Him, I am free. If the Son has set you free, you are free indeed. How true those words are!

Life can be hard. Seeking the Lord in everything isn't always easy to do. Walking by faith instead of sight is scary and wearying. But the joy of the Lord is my strength. His joy is what carries me through.

The Holidays

Christmas and New Year's were better than I could have hoped! Christmas Eve was worshipful and beautiful. The service went well, and I am so thankful that I was able to sing. Afterwards, we had some family friends over for dinner, which was fun!

On Christmas day, Mama got us all up and we gave gifts to each other. Then I headed to church tos ing at the morning service. We had a relaxing day, with Daddy and the boys playing ping pong and Mama and I cooking. We sat down to a great meal, and just enjoyed spending time together!

A few days later,  Katie came to visit me! It was so so so good to see her! We just hung out and talked, which was absolutely perfect. I am glad that I only have a few more days until we are roommates!

For New Year's, we went to my grandfather's house. We all went to his country club for dinner on New Year's Eve. It was a lot of fun to spend time with him and my Aunt Maureen. We joked and told stories and talked about a variety of subjects. My grandfather is very special, and I am glad I got to spend this time with him! After dinner, some of us watched the ball drop, and I forced myself to stay awake till midnight. It was hard to do! Even though I am readjusted from jet lag, I kept up the habit of going to bed early, so staying up till midnight was more difficult than usual. Oh boy!

Now we are back home. Daddy went back to work. Mama goes back tomorrow. Roecker and Grayson and I get to just hang out this week, which will be good! And I have to get ready to go back to school! I can't wait to move into my apartment and see my friends. I have missed them a lot!

I am so thankful for this time at home. It was much needed. It was been so restful and fun to spend time with ym family. I have the best family in the world, of that I am sure!