Baby, Its Cold Outside!

Thanksgiving Break was wonderful. It was far too short but still wonderful!

I stopped in Birmingham on my way home. I unpacked my summer clothes and packed up my winter ones! Finally. It had been cold, and I had about three shirts that were warm enough. Thankfully, functions provided additional long sleeved shirts, so I added a few more over the semester. But anyway, it was a good thing I got my winter clothes because it is SUB ZERO here at school! Ok, that is a slight exaggeration, but it is really cold. As in, a possibility of snow, the weather station said. Yuck. Well, snow is good, but cold is yuck. And its raining. I like rain, its just recovering from the cold wetness that is a little difficult...Anyway, I stopped in Birmingham. I got to see Liz for the first time since May! That was so good. I hung around Samford with her for a little while, then we got dinner at Baha Burger (yum!). Then we headed to my house, watched a movie, and slept! It was nice to be in my own bed.

First thing Wednesday morning, we got up and hit the road! We left a little before 9, grabbed Chik-fil-a breakfast, and drove and drove and drove (with a quick stop to pick up a "Turkel," as I accidentally called it. I got a turkey in Greenville, AL, and when I called Mama to tell her I had picked it up, we were passing by Pine Apple, AL, which I love, so I had just said that town's name to Liz, and then on the phone it came out, "Well, Mama, I got us a Turkel!" It was funny. But maybe you had to be there...). Then I was home with the fam! So good to see them. And Wednesday night, Aunt Madeline, Uncle Ron, and my cousin Michael arrives! I hadn't seen Michael since 10th grade, and I hadn't seen Aunt Madeline and Uncle Ron since I graduated, so it was very good to see them. We went to a seafood place for dinner, I ate some shrimp (yum!), and then I baked some sweet potatoes to make sweet potato casserole, my favorite Thanksgiving dish!

On the morning of Thanksgiving, I got help, finished making the sweet potatoes, and tried to help Mama as best I could. My Uncle David, who I also hadn't seen in a VERY long time, came over, which was exciting! So it was a big family meal. We ate outside on the back porch where we could see the bay. Not the most traditional Thanksgiving setting, but it was fun! And what could be better than hearing birds call and waves and all those beach/bay sounds while eating an amazing Thanksgiving feast? Everything was soooo good - the sweet potatoes (if I do say so myself!), the corn soup (to die for), the dressing (yum!), the green beans (good job, Roeck!), I heard the Turkel was good (I don't eat meat very often, if you didn't know that about me), and of course the pie! It isn't Thanksgiving without the pie! After eating, we settled down to watch some football!

Friday was the Big Day. The Iron Bowl. Now, the Iron Bowl did not turn out as I had hoped, but I am pushing through and putting the past behind me. Roll Tide. But it was still a fun day, watching football. For breakfast, we went to this place in downtown Fairhope. It was delicious. Aunt Madeline and Uncle Ron and Michael left after breakfast, so then we just watched football all day. And then I hung out with Liz and some of her friends for a while, which was fun and amusing.

Then, of course, it was Saturday, which meant more football! I ran a few errands in the morning and then watched football literally all day long. Then that night I started freaking out a little about finals, sent a few emails, got a smidgen of work done (but not much since I purposefully didn't bring home school books. Bold move.). I went to bed, and then first thing Sunday morning, I hit the road back to school.

Of course, Sunday everyone and their mom was driving. Katie's dad decided it was because no one wanted to fly what with the new security stuff, which makes sense. There was a high number of cars around me the whole drive (basically, I never got to drive with the speed control on), but it didn't get bad till I was through Atlanta. Then it was stand still, stop and go, almost all the way to South Carolina. I almost turned around at one point to go back to Katie's, but I called my daddy, and he convinced me to keep going. So I did! Then I made it back to school, decorated my room for Christmas (pictures will be forthcoming), and saw Karen and some other friends!

Well, hark the herald! It was a great Thanksgiving break. Not that you wanted to know all those details, but who knows? Maybe someday I'll want to know all those details. Deck the halls!

Christmas Time Is Here

Ah! Katie said it, but I must repeat it: Christmas is here!!!!

Christmas music is playing on the radio. The air is growing colder. Thanksgiving has passed.

Today is traditionally the day my family decorates the house for Christmas, buys a Christmas tree (and when I was little we ALWAYS went and cut it down ourselves; now we do that if we have time), turns the Christmas music on in the stereo, etc. This year, things are a little different as we are preparing to move (yes, again), but still. I have my Christmas supplies in the car to decorate mine and Karen's room back at school. I'm SO excited.

I love Christmas. Someone was asking me the other day why I loved it, when its all about materialism and commercialism, etc. And I love Christmas because a) it celebrates the birth of Jesus, b) most people are in better moods, will smile at you on the street, won't make fun of you if you randomly burst into Christmas carols, etc. People anticipate, they are expecting something beautiful and magical and holy, and that is evident! and c) like my friend Alex said, everyone is celebrating Jesus' birth whether they know it or not! I know as well as the next person that Jesus probably wasn't born on December 25th, year 3 AD or something, but I do love Christmas carols, the Christmas Eve service (especially when everyone holds their lighted candle, the flames flickering on everyone's face), the beautiful lights, the decorations, the gift-giving(I LOVE getting gifts for people. I love the struggle of trying to pick the perfect gift for everyone), everything about Christmas I love! While the 4th of July is my favorite holiday, Christmas is a very close second! They could be tied, in fact.

I don't know. I just love Christmas. I'm sure I will post a lot about Christmas and what it means to me and what I think about it, so consider yourself warned. Tis the season!

Thank You

I think it is fitting that my 100th post (Really? 100 posts? That is RIDICULOUS!) should fall on Thanksgiving. I have so much to be thankful for - seriously, so so much. Far too much to list here, but I'm still going to list a few:

- I am with my family! I love my parents and my brothers so much. I can't even explain what it is to be home. I'm not super talkative or anything right now, I'm just drinking in the feeling of being home. I've walked in my mama's shadow all night, just wanting to be next to her, able to hug her or laugh with her. And my brothers are still the same goobers as always. I love them. And Daddy - sitting on the porch with him, just laying my head on his shoulder. It is so good to be HOME. AND Aunt Madeline, Uncle Ron, and my cousin Michael are here too, and my Uncle David will be joining us tomorrow! More to be thankful for.
- I got to see Liz for the first time since May! It was so good to see her face and actually be able to hug her! I am so thankful for our friendship, how it was withstood her moving senior year, both of us going to different colleges, spending these last almost 7 months without seeing each other once. Liz is such a giver, she pours so much into me and encourages me and reminds me that it is OK to be silly and to be myself. I love you and thank God for you every time I think of you, Liz!
- I have an amazing roommate. I love Karen so much. She encourages me, calls me out, listens to me without judging, laughs at my stupid jokes, puts up with a lot (more than can be mentioned, haha), and is one of the most amazing people I know. She always has time to listen, even when she has 15 tests the next day. And nothing is ever too petty for her time. I admire Karen so much.
- I have amazing friends! Katie, Olivia, Chelsea, Leila (yes, Leils, I know we haven't talked in forever; I'm working on that), Hilary, Laura, my Tri Delt pledge class, the upperclassmen I know who consider me their friend...They are amazing and Furman would not be so great without them. And my RA/prayer group friends. Julie, Stephen, James, Mary Grace, Robbie, Cole...I always look forward to spending time with them! So encouraging, so fun, so hilarious. I am so thankful for y'all.
- My Birmingham family/friends/MBCC. I don't see y'all as much as I used to, but I would not be who I am without them. They have shaped me, taught me, raised me, and poured into me in ways that stun me. Sometimes I sit back in awe, amazed at this amazing group of people God has placed in my life.
- My extended family. I miss them, I wish I got to see themmore, but they are always in my heart.
- My Hungarian friends! I miss them like nobody's business. Seriously. It makes my heart ache sometimes, but I am so thankful for them and I pray for them constantly. I can't wait to see them again!
- My country and freedoms. May I never forget the freedom and liberty I have, and may I never take it for granted. I am so thankful for the people who make it possible for me to have this life in this incredible country.
- I have always had a bed to sleep on, clothes to wear, food to eat. Thank You, Lord, that I have never known hunger or thirst or cold or heat. That is a blessing not everyone has, one that I take for granted and feel entitled to.
- Most importantly of all, my freedom in Christ. Jesus did not have to sacrifice it all to save me, but He did it anyways. My only value is in Him; without Him, I am literally nothing. Lord, I am so thankful for You, for Your love and grace and mercy. Thank You for what You have been teaching me this semester. I am so thankful for Your discipline, for Your conviction, and for Your truth.

The list is truly unending. I am blessed, with so much to be thankful for. I hope that I learn to live in thankfulness every day, not just today.

Better Life

And I had another great weekend!

Saturday was not only the last home football game but Tri Delta Semi-Formal! On Friday, Karen left for a wedding -  I missed her so much! But I am glad she got to spend time with her family and meet her new niece! Saturday came around, I slept in, went to the game, grabbed Starbucks with Katie, and then started getting ready for semi-formal!

I had asked my friend Stephen, and we went with a big group. It was funny, because there were six RAs in the group and two FRADs. We went to dinner at this great place called Brioso's - yum! Its one of my new favorite places here. (I know, last year you would've been shocked if I said we went somewhere other than Thaicoon! We're branching out this year.)

Semi-formal was at a local museum. It was such a great location! It was great for pictures and mingling and dancing. I loved it! We danced and took pictures and danced and talked and danced the whole night long! It was so fun. I couldn't have asked for a better group to go with.

Stephen and I

I love my Katie Kay!

Olivia, me, Hilary, Laura, and Katie

Luis, Katie, Stephen, me, Olivia, William, Laura, Cary, Hilary, and Alex!

Katie and I with the Lady

Luis is my RA Mentor :)

SoHo RA Prayer Group!

Stephen, me, Julie, Robbie, Mary Grace, James, and Cole

Refine Me

Faith is battle.

That sounds so strange, but its true. And the funny thing is that the battle brings joy.

I was talking with someone yesterday, and I started realizing again the struggle that I face between what is good and the sin that is my nature. So many things that I desire or speak for or fight for are good things, things of the Lord. But my motives so often get in the way and distort those good things.

I first saw this struggle in Hungary. There was one day when I was doing the right thing, but my heart was crying out in bitterness. It was the quandary of being right but my motives and heart being wrong. The Lord called me out on it then, and He did so yesterday.

It is such a struggle, such a difficult thing to wrap my mind around. My sin nature has distorted everything, yet the Lord's grace is sufficient! He is not content to let me rest in my sin, but He calls me out, He leads me to wrestle with Him, He challenges me to settle for nothing less than His will.
I am so acquainted with the feelings Jacob must have had when he wrestled with God. My Bible says, "So Jacob was left alone, and a man wrestled with him until daybreak. When the man saw that he could not overpower him, he touched the socket of Jacob's hip so that his hip was wrenched as he wrestled the man. Then the man said, 'Let me go, for it is daybreak.' But Jacob replied, 'I will not let you go unless you bless me'" (Genesis 32:22-26). I know I've written about this before, but I just love it! I so feel like Jacob, able to wrestle all night. My heart goes back and forth, justifying myself and then admitting my depravity, trying to reason my way out of it and then hearing the Spirit's reprimand. I've felt the Lord literally change me (my heart) in order to give me rest. And I feel like Jacob, saying, "I will not let You go until I know Your will." I'm not content to quit until I am changed, until I am satisfied, until I have peace.

Wrestling with my own nature versus what I know is right, seeking the nature of my motives, struggling to mold my heart to the Lord's - it is exhausting. But I am blessed when I do so. God guides me.

Tonight (after I had written the first part of this post), I found this guy's blog. You may have heard of him, his  name is Chad, and  he has a liver disease. A few months ago his younger brother Ryan donated part of his liver to Chad, ended up going into cardiac arrest, and dying. Chad survived, and he has a blog that I found (thanks to AOL news). Anyway, this one post I read talked about this same thing, faith and wrestling with God. I love what Chad writes. He describes the three ways people view faith and his third one is so so good. He writes, "Then there are those that somehow come crawling out of the ashes and the bedlam – their hair smoking, their clothes smoldering and their soul blistered. These are people who have prayed heartfelt prayers to a God they’ve clung to their entire life. Regardless, things didn’t turn out like they planned – not even close. They’ve got questions, but they’re not doubting. They’re hurt but they’re not damaged. They’re not cracked, but you better believe they are broken.They don’t turn their back on God, because in the deepest part of their humanness there is a settling that God is still the only lifeboat left on this fantasy cruise. Not set on understanding, but desperately depending on their only Real Hope." 

That is what wrestling with God looks like! I can come to Him questioning, hurt, broken, angry, confused, disappointed, whatever it is I am struggling with, I can search for answers, I can wrestle out my sin and go back and forth, and God welcomes that. He drives out my sin, bit by bit, tearing it out of my ever-grasping fists. I can feel Him prying open my hands finger by finger. And I feel Him smiling as He does it! It is hard for me, it does break me, but it leaves me with no where else to run but to He Who washes me, sanctifies me, justifies me in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ (1 Corinthians 6:11). God is dismantling my pride and sense of entitlement and selfishness and self-justification and independence and self-reliance. I know He is. And it isn't easy, but I am so thankful! I am so thankful that God is not content to leave me as I am without Him. I am so thankful that He says, "You are not enough and you can never be enough. But I have made you for MY glory, and I will mold you into who I intended you to be." Praise God for that!

I know I've written about this topic a lot these past few months. You'd think I would get these things the first time, but God is faithful and continues to sanctify me from my sin. I have to praise Him for that! His grace is sufficient for me and His power is made perfect in my weakness!

Keep wrestling.

Lookin' For A Good Time

I've had a whirlwind month, but this weekend, while still really busy, was wonderful!

Karen and I have had the most ridiculously crazy few weeks, and we had planned about two weeks ago that this Friday we would have a date to celebrate the end of them. I finished my biology test, met up with Karen, and we headed to the mall! I was desperate for jeans as the one pair I had now had a lovely hole near the back as of Friday morning. Karen wanted to look at jeans too, so we shopped in Belk, Gap, Macy's, and American Eagle. I found a pair in Belk, but when I went to Gap, I tried on this one pair and it was destiny. Ok, I'm kidding, but I found a great pair of jeans at Gap, and when I called Mama, she encouraged me to get two pairs (I did need them, and they are staples, and all that. Mama is very convincing, and she was right). It was nice to be successful in getting what I needed.

After shopping, I had a letter-writing party with Tri Delt to send letters to support St. Jude's. I was there for a little while, sent out my letters, and then headed to this worship thing my friend James set up. It was off campus in these woods behind a house that a campus ministry owns. It was so fun. There was a fire, James and Robbie led us in worship, and the whole group of people just sang and sang. I rode back to school with Katie, and we ended up driving around looking for a place to get coffee. It was unsuccessful, but it gave us time to catch up, which is what we really wanted anyway. :)

On Saturday, I had a retreat with this leadership group I am a part of. It lasted most of the day, and I ended up coming back and trying to take a nap. That didn't really work out, but no worries! I went with Katie, Chelsea, and Tori to Katie's grandmother's house for dinner! She made us (homemade) fried chicken, (homemade) mac and cheese, (homemade) green beans, (homemade) fried/baked zucchini, rolls, and (homemade) pound cake with strawberries and whipped cream. YUM!!!! It was so good. I had two servings because it was so so so good. It was nice to be in a house with grandparents eating HOMEMADE food. Yum. In the car on the way back to school, we were talking about how different it feels to be full because of good homemade food rather than okay mass-produced DH food or restaurant food. Namie will definitely be seeing a lot more of me over these next three years! So good. My mouth is watering just thinking about it.

Anyway, Saturday night after that, Hilary and I went to Yogurt Mountain and Barnes and Noble. So fun. Hilary had never been to Whole Foods, so we took a stroll through that store as well. It was funny to do that, because it reminded me of the first time I went to Whole Foods with some friends from co-op. I was gasping over everything, we ate all these samples (those good but weird green bean chips!), etc. Then Marge, Mary Grace (from home), and I started going to Whole Foods sometimes after school and buying a mini-tart for all of us and sharing one cup of gelato. It was fun to remember that while walking around with Hil. After that, Hilary and I headed back to school, rented a movie, and watched it in my room with Mary Grace (from school), Julie, Grace, and Karen.

Sunday morning, I got up, went to church with some friends (a church that I really liked and am probably going to go back to!), and then talked with Karen for a little bit. She's been sick. Then my friend Catherine and I worked on a surprise for one of our friends who is abroad. But the best is yet to come.

Sunday night was the Lady Antebellum concert!!!! Katie and I got tickets together, so we went to dinner at Atlanta Bread Company (I had the Garden Vegetable soup - yum!). Then we headed back to campus, parked, and found out seats. We were on the floor, in the twelfth row, near the middle. Oh my gosh, they were amazing seats, and the concert was so good! David Nail opened, and I was pleasantly surprised. But Lady Antebellum - wow. So so so stinking good. So good. Katie and I had so much fun.

Katie and I waiting for the concert to begin!

Lady Antebellum!!!!

Whoo!!!

Katie and I post-concert

And then when I dropped Katie off, our friend Kristin danced for us. That topped off a perfect weekend! Till next time...

Think

On Friday night, Katie and I were sitting in a chair together - you know, one of those chairs that is part of a living room set. We had a pillow in our laps, and I started wondering what it would be like for us to be conjoined twins who shared legs but had separate torsos. So I asked Katie. And we had two separate 20 minute long conversations about it. Would I be able to feel someone tapping on Katie's far shoulder? Would we feel the weight of both legs or only one? How would that affect our balance? Would it be legal for us to get married? I think Katie is the only person I know with whom I could actually carry on a serious conversation about this with. My other friends and I would just laugh about it, but Katie and I had a legitimate conversation about it! I loved it. And then we cracked up over the fact that we had just had that conversation (and then we laughed that we had it not once, but twice).

This next part fit with that story in my mind, but in actuality I don't think it really does. Oh well!

I'm sitting in the library with Karen studying Biology (evolution, to be exact. Blegh.), and I'm falling asleep. I would love to take a nap in my nice warm room in my nice warm bed (they turned on the heat in the dorms! Yay!). But that is a long walk for a 20+ minute nap, and then I'd have to turn around and come back to the lib anyway. So I stared thinking. I looked up at Kare and said, "Wouldn't it be great if the library had a nap room?" Karen just rolled her eyes and laughed at me. I laughed out loud, but in my mind I started pondering how that could happen. Then I realized that there could be a lot of problems with that. But it would be nice!

All right, back to work. Have a great Sunday!

Never Alone

The Lord has definitely followed up on the things He's been teaching me that I shared last week. I feel like He has shown me what it means to rely on Him. He had to draw me out of my comfort zones in order for me to realize that the Lord is my shelter, my restoration, my strength. But He isn't leaving me alone.

I was challenged Monday night by two friends to reevaluate my time. This is something I've felt the Lord leading me in as well. When I was talking over my schedule, Emily wrote it down. Seeing it on paper - not in my planner, but on plain white paper - and realizing that that was only one part of my schedule was shocking to me. Julie called me out and told me that living like that wasn't living an abundant life. I've been tied down in my schedule. And I do feel like the Lord lead me to that place where I could only rely on Him, but now He is showing me that I do need to have friends. I don't have time to be continuing my relationships at this point, I don't have time to just hang out. And God reminded me through my mama that He did not create people to be alone! So now I'm reevaluating my schedule. I'm going to cut some things out. I am here first as a student, then as a friend, then as a RA, and so on and so forth. I need to recognize my priorities, and even if that means cutting things that are good out of my life, so be it.

So at this point in my life, I'm at a place where the Lord is saying, "Yes, rely on ME first. But I did not intend for you to be alone!" So I'm going to remember that. It will take work - let's face it, overcommitment has long been a problem of mine - but I'm confident.

Ok, I'm hoping my next post will be a much lighter and happier one. Not that I'm not thankful for what I've been going through. But I feel its time for me to have some fun! So yeah. Till then!