Light Shining Out of Darkness

This morning I woke up with 2 Corinthians 4:8 running through my mind. I ended up reading all of chapter 4, and it rang so true to me today.

Yesterday, Mama had an appointment with her orthopedic surgeon. Her pelvis is healing very well, and today Mama started putting weight on her left foot! Yes, I said that right.  She put weight on her left foot today! In about three weeks, Mama can start rehab and really learning to walk again.

 The doctor did say that since Mama’s nerves haven’t healed to the point where she can hold her foot up on her own now, the chances of her drop-foot being permanent have greatly increased. I think he said there is only a 30% chance that she won’t have it. Basically that means that Mama will wear her orthotic all the time, which means no more high heels (and if you know Mama, you know that is all she wears!), among other things.

 We are not giving up hope, because the doctor does not have the last say on this. God does. And we know the power of prayer. So I am asking that you join us in storming the gates of Heaven, pleading with us for total restoration of Mama’s body. God can and may say no, and that is ok. But we also know that it is powerful for God’s people to pray together, and it is good for us whether we get the answer we want or not. Ultimately, the answer we want is God’s will. “For what we preach is not ourselves, but Jesus Christ is Lord.”

Mama has made so much progress, she has overcome so much. While it is good for us to be logical and realistic about the chances of drop-foot going away, I also know that I serve a powerful God, and I am not ready to limit Him, in anything, not just in this. This is another opportunity for us to reveal God’s glory in how we are faithful to what He has called us to do. “For God, who said, ‘Let light shine out of darkness,’ made His light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of God’s glory displayed in the face of Christ.”  And right now, what He has called us to do is to pray unceasingly, confidently, and boldly for complete healing for Mama, not just the drop-foot, but her entire body.

And “we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroy. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that His life may also be revealed in our mortal body. So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you.”

 We are confident in who God is, in what He is doing. We have seen Him so completely in this process. Yes, there are unspeakably difficult moments, moments that you wouldn’t believe. But through it all, God has given us this unrelenting faith. He has held us unrelinquishingly (is that a word?).  “It is written: ‘I believed; therefore I have spoken.’ Since we have that same spirit of faith, we also believe and therefore speak, because we know that the One who raised the Lord Jesus from the dead will also raise us with Jesus and present us with you to Himself. All is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God.” How humbling and exciting that is! This experience is for all of us, that we may further reveal God’s glory! Mama has committed to being honest about this journey, because she knows that it is not about her.  It isn’t about our family. It’s about who God is.

 “Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”

Please join us in praying for Mama's complete healing

Happy Father's Day

Undoubtedly, I have the greatest father in the world.

I've always known this. When I was born, Daddy always tells me about how he sang the Doxology the first time he held me. Next he created a song just for me - "Sara Beth Lives in a Tree House." Still a personal favorite of mine. :)

When Roecker was born, he was a colicky baby, and Daddy ended up taking me to work with him a lot. He would let me "type" away at a computer at the newspaper, and he took me to Tuscaloosa for football practices when he was the beat writer for Alabama. Because of Daddy, Gene Stallings gave me my first bag of Cheetos!  And Daddy encouraged my love for Alabama gymnastics. Many Friday nights, he would let me tag along to the meet, where I would sit with some of his friends and he would keep an eye on me from the press row on the floor. Sarah Patterson would send me a poster of all the gymnasts that they had autographed.

I may not have developed Daddy's love for sports, but we had many other things in common, particularly singing. Daddy and I would go to the grocery store together a lot, just the two of us. We'd listen to music on the way there, we'd do our shopping, and then I'd have my "grocery cart races" before getting into the car. I loved those times when it was just me and Daddy. He taught me so many things about life and God. Plus he and I are just similar enough that we think the same way about a lot of things, have the same thought processes. Sometimes its actually a little freaky.

As I got older, Daddy and I could talk about more mature things, particularly our faith. If Daddy reads something interesting, we sometimes have these long discussions about it. I love those. When I'm at school, Daddy will write me "long rambling missives," as he calls them, either via email or snail mail (those are the best!). I save every one because they are so precious to me. And Daddy is one of my favorite people to text, because he'll say the funniest and most encouraging things.

In the last eight weeks, I've seen Daddy in a new way. I've always admired him, how he loves Mama and our family, how he provides for us on so many levels. But in the last eight weeks, Daddy has taken on a role that he probably never imagined he would. He has been husband, father, friend, counselor, writer, media relations-guy, protector, encourager. I have come to appreciate him in such a different way. Sometimes I get frustrated when he doesn't do things the way I think they should (oops...), but more than anything I am overwhelmed by how Daddy trusts God first and foremost.

Daddy,  I'm so very thankful for you. Your quirky sense of humor, your sometimes corny jokes, your encouragement, all mean so much to me. I cherish our conversations about God and family and government and social issues and life. I'm thankful for most of the ways we are similar, because its nice to be able to share ideas with someone who understands in that special way. I'm so blessed to have you as my father. I truly thank God that He chose you to be my daddy. I love you very much.

Grace For This Reality

 I can truly say that I thank God for Mama's accident. I am so thankful for this time, as hard as it is, as much as I hate it. Oh, I don't always act that way. There are times I either stubbornly refuse to accept this as our reality, or I imagine it is all a dream or a cruel joke. There are days that I have to force myself to make this my new normal, to come to terms with this as our reality. I will admit that there are moments that I just don't want to deal with this, I don't want to do the things that Mama needs me to do. There are lots of times that I physically swallow down my protests, my grumblings, my disappointment, my frustration, sometimes even my anger that I have to deal with this. I know there are moments that Mama has seen those emotions in me, and I hate that, because it isn't really aimed towards her. Its just hard, as she knows more than any of us. But I hate to add to her difficult with my own issues.

But God has also given me so much grace. I have seen Him totally transform me in this process. In my last post, I talked about God's power. You want to hear about God's power? First of all, MAma survived this accident that should have killed her. She honestly should not be alive right now, not only from the impact but from her injuries. There are a number of injuries that individually should have taken her, not to mention all of them combined! Mama wasn't supposed to be home until the end of May/beginning of June. She came home May 12. I am the least medically oriented person in the world. I hate everything involving it. Anytime something goes wrong physically with someone in the family, I would go pray. Mama would say, "We're taking Roecker to the ER!"  and I'd run to my room to pray until she or Daddy called with the update. I can't deal with this kind of thing, its so uncomfortable for me. But since Mama's accident, God has amazingly enabled me to do anything that I need to do. All those things that usually I run from, God has empowered me to do, and not only do them, but do them without a second thought. I did reach my limit with Mama's stomach wound, and thankfully God provided a dear family friend who stepped up to take care of that.

God has surrounded us with so many people who love us and care for us and provide for us. From taking care of our yard to cleaning our house to providing meals to sitting with Mama while I am at work, the list is endless of the support God has implemented.

And God has given my family so much grace to handle this together. Most of the time, we sit and laugh and joke, even as Mama is in her hospital bed. God has given Daddy and I, in particular, perspectives that allow us to do what we need to do and not think much of it. Most of the time, God pushes me beyond myself. Truly, the power of God in my life is the peace that passes all understanding. That has overwhelmed me. While those moments of frustration happen, honestly, they pale in comparison to the times when God overwhelms my own selfish response with His grace, peace, and love. That display of power - His consuming my response and replacing it with His won - is the one I continually marvel at.

And I want to continue in that, I want to dwell in that. I want to choose His power as I care for Mama. That is what God has done, and is doing, in us. His power is displayed so evidently in our lives right now. Mama sees it in a very real way. I witness it in every moment. This is the power of God, the grace that He gives us.

So I do thank Him for this. I thank Him for the things He is teaching me, and us, as a result of this. I thank Him for reminders of His love and compassion. I thank Him for not relenting, for not making this easy. Because its worth it. No matter what, following Him is worth it. And because of that, because of who God is and what He has done, I can thank Him, even for this.

Power

For the past two weeks, I have been thinking a lot about the power of God. I've had some really interesting conversations with a number of people about this topic.

I tend to emphasize God's redemptive power in my life, perhaps because that is the most tangible and expressionable for me. I so clearly see how God is shaping me and making me new. There is no doubt that He has saved me and is currently making me new, transforming me to be like Himself. Nearly everything I experience points me back to that. Thankfully God has opened my eyes to how He is actively working and displaying His power in myself, in my sanctification.

In all of that, I sometimes forget about Jesus' power when He was on earth. It is truly amazing to read what Jesus did to show Himself to people on earth. Jesus gave sight to the blind, healed the sick, raised the dead. Some of the most powerful moments happen in just a few sentences: "On a Sabbath Jesus was teaching in one of the synagogues, and woman was there who had been crippled by a spirit for eighteen years. SHe was bent over and could not straighten up at all. When Jesus saw her, He called her forward and said to her, "Woman, you are set free from your infirmity." Then He put His hands on her, and immediately she straightened up and praised God" (Luke 13:10-13). Can you imagine? This woman was bent over for 18 years - 18 years - until Jesus saw her, put His hands on her, and raised her up. That is ridiculous and incredible and amazing.

I also forget about God's works before Jesus came to earth. God's gracious and mind-blowing covenant with His people, the parting of the Red Sea, and the endless examples of His provision for His people are just some of my favorite examples. This doesn't even get to God's work through the judges, through the kings (both good and bad), and the prophets. Every page of the Bible is ful of examples of God's power, either displayed physically or through His love.

All of these things seem so fantastic and almost unbelievable. I think that is why its so much easier for me to focus on God's power in His work in my life. Yet these stories describe the God that I say I believe. And I believe that God is the same yesterday, today, and forever. He is unchangeable, and so that powerful, awe-inspiring God of the Bible is the same one I serve today.

I can tell you "Bible" kinds of stories of God's power in my own life. I have seen God do the impossible. The easiest to explain occurred on mission trips and in Hungary last summer. I have story after story of my time in Hungary when God did the impossible, from silencing the birds to having a conversation with a girl that I had given up being able to talk with. But I have also experienced God's power outside of these intentionally missional environments. I have had God provide monetarily for me time and time again. My senior year of high school, after Thanksgiving, I only had about $30. That Sunday, the Lord urged me to give $20 as an offering. "Lord, You know I need gas, and I need to buy Christmas presents, and I don't have much money, and I don't have any babysitting jobs lined up," I prayed. "But I an going to trust You in this. You are going to have to come through here." I wrote that check and just waited. A week or two later, I randomly received a check in the mail for $200 from my uncle, because he thought maybe I could use a little extra. Little did he know that he was the tool God used to work so powerfully in my life! Some may see that as a coincidence, but because God knows me so integrally and intimately, He knows how He displayed His power to me in that instance.

I think those stories are harder to tell, because they are easy for people to write off as coincidence. Yet personally, deep in my heart, I know the truth. And I also believe that we as Believers, who say we believe in this God of the Bible, have to trust in that power. I have to trust that God is who He says He is, that He will work just as powerfully today as He did before. I can walk in faith and ask for the impossible because I know the God I serve. I know that He is the God of the impossible. I know that more than anything else I want His will, and that enables me to do what might seem unreasonable.

I want to live trusting in God, in His power. I want to ask and watch how God displays His power today, through provision and love and miraculous works just as He has done in the past. Because I have seen Him do it in my life up till now, and I know that He will continue to do so. I want to live freely, trusting in the God I say that I believe.