Free To Be Me

I wish I could explain all the little moments that make up college to me. The times walking back from the DH as the sun sets over the lake, laughing and talking with my friends. Creeping out my window at random people on E Field. Running to hug a friend from across campus. Smiling at stangers. Its so idyllic, so peaceful (despite the busyness). I love that today I skyped with both my big and my RA from last year. I love that I can laugh at DH shenanigans. I love that I know which tables are unspoken-ly reserved for sororities/fraternities/the football team, unlike the freshmen girls we saw today at lunch - poor things. I love that there's always someone I know somewhere. I love that everywhere I go, there is an RA there! (Seriously, there are RAs in all of my classes, which is both freaky and cool; we're everywhere!) I love having people in my room to laugh at one of my roommate's birthday presents (this hideous wooden cat that Karen has names. She didn't give it a name like Bob either - no, she named is "Precious." Sends shivers down my spine just thinking about it).

"Precious"

I just love school. Even though every minute feels jam packed, I just love it. I love my friends. I love that everyone here has something in common just because we go to school together.

It is Karen's birthday today! Yay! Happy 20th, Kare! I love birthdays, a lot, and so I decorated our room today while she was sleeping. ;) This isn't the full extent - in fact, the balloons above her bed were on the floor this morning, but we've been having a war with them, so to get back at her I taped them above her bed. Anyway, the door is my favorite part.

Our Door!

Kare's Bed (There are 20 balloons)

All I Want To Do

I'm back in the saddle. Is that the right phrase? I have a tendency to bungle cliches, just ask my Tri Delta family (lick of flame, anyone? I've got your card). Anyway, let me tell you of which saddle I am referring (that is actually a very applicable phrase for my life right now...)

Last semester, I went to a great church. The pastor was wonderful. I really liked his sermons, his passion for what he was preaching, and his style. The only problem was the music. It was very traditional, and there was no praise team, only the worship director leading. I decided last year that I loved the preaching so much that I could give up the music area. But then I went home for the summer, where I sang every Sunday at my church. And oh my gosh, leading worship felt a little like home. I get the opportunity to praise God so uniquely when I'm leading others. I'm very aware of my responsibility as a member of the praise team - I am responsible to do all I can to lead Believers into worship - and that causes me to praise God in such a different way. I am forced to think on Him, on what He has done, on what He is DOING, on Who He is, on why I even WANT to praise Him, and because of that, I truly worship the Lord. Not that I don't worship Him when I'm not leading. But it is a privilege that I don't want to have to give up. And at the last church I went to, I didn't even know a lot of the songs, so the singing part of worship wasn't really going on anywhere in my life that semester (I didn't have my car, so there weren't really times for me to drive and praise, etc). So I decided upon my return to school that I was going to look for a new church.

Of course, that was before I remembered how much I hate "church shopping." And I do, I hate it. Because I always feel like I have such a critical spirit (which is obviously something I need to pray about). I mean, I want it all. Challenging pastor, engaging music, a mix in ages, families!!!, opportunities for me to serve...And I also want to open to where God is leading me. Its difficult. I don't really enjoy it. But I'm determined to go into these next Sundays with a different attitude. I want to cherish the experience of seeing how the people at these churches praise the Lord. In Hungary, it was amazing to see Believers praising the Lord in their own way, and while churches here do speak English and are American, I'm going to view it with that same perspective. They are Believers and they want to praise God. Even if its not where I fit in, I'm going to appreciate that. Because its not everywhere where I'd even get to go (without fear) to church, or get to choose from a wide array of churches where I want to attend. What a blessing!

So I'm back in the saddle, getting back up on the horse, but this time with a different perspective. I'll post on the other ways I'm getting "back in the saddle" at a later point.  Happy Sunday!

We Went Out Last Night

Here's a sketch of a Thursday night:

I still had an on-going notification war with Karen (because she LOVES notifications). Suddenly, she started attacking, writing on my wall, "liking" everything that was posted on my wall, etc. Then she said, "Wait, let's annoy Dean!" (Dean is our brother hall RA and one of our favorite people, along with his FRAD, Victor). "Yes!" I exclaim (but quietly, because it is during quiet hours). We start writing on Dean's wall, but then we decide to go visit Dean and Victor "just for a minute." We run down to their room, but only Victor is there. Dean has apparently left to go work in the RA office, but he forgot to log out of facebook before he left! Were we good little girls who merely logged out for him and left poor Dean alone? Of course not! Instead, we changed his status ("Dean...is so thankful for Karen and Sara Beth...they are the most amazing people ever!!!" it read). We had Dean "like" different things we'd said/he'd said, say really nice things on chat with Karen, etc. Poor Victor is just watching in shock, saying "Karen!" and "Sara Beth!" Karen and I run to get our shoes so we can go visit Dean in the RA office. We talked with some of the girls on the hall for a little bit. When Karen looks at her computer in her room, she sees that Dean has chatted with her again, talking about how he can't believe Victor hacked his account. oops, sorry, Victor! But we ran over to the RA office and saw Dean. He had to go deal with a lock out, so Karen changed his status to something about how wonderful we are. He came back and figured it all out. We hung out in the office for a few minutes, but then we decided we needed to go to bed.

Ohhh boy. Not that that was interesting in the least to anyone else, but for me and Kare, it was a hilarious/fun/amusing night. Now I'm off to read Bio while working my first shift in the RA office.

Till next time!

Ode to Karen (From Dean)
Hey, Kare Bear.
I like ur hair
It makes me want to stop and stare
U could use some Nair

- Dean

Postcard from Paris

Classes began yesterday! I had my Intro to Islam and Biology and the Environment classes yesterday, and then Intro to Music, Anthropology of Religion, and Bio Lab today. Geez. Crazy already. You should see my calendar - its ridiculous. And I unthinking wrote out my schedule in red, so it not only overwhelms to look at, but there is no calming blue or neutral black to soften the blow. Sigh. Now I know. But I especially relish crossing days off my calendar with a blue pen - haha! One less day of red to look at!

The hall is going really well - everyone seems to be (for the most part) getting along, which is great. I have some pretty cool girls  on my hall. ;)

I have my first RA office hours tomorrow morning. I was the only one who didn't have class first thing Mondays and Fridays, so I got the a.m. shift, which I'm actually excited about. I don't think there will be many problems for me to deal with at that time in the morning.

Can I just end by saying how much I love my roommate? We are complete opposites in some things (she's a Yankee, I'm a Southerner, she loves rap, I love country, she loves math and science, I love history and writing...the list goes on), but we are so alike in some (really random) ways. I absolutely love Karen, and I've already learned so much from her. Its so fun now that the stressful O-Week is over, we just sit and talk and laugh and have inside jokes...its so fun. I love you, Kare!

Here I Am

I'm tired.

Its been a crazy week and now its Orientation Week! Lots of crazy days and sleepless nights. But I think my hall decorations look great - I'll post some pictures at some point. I'm so glad Karen is here with me - I swear, she's been the other half of my mind lately. Case in point, we were talking about something and I needed to pull up the Internet to check on it. We kept talking, she left the room for a second, and I just sat there staring at my computer wondering what I was going to look up. Karen came back in, and I said, "Why did I need the Internet?" She immediately said, "You were going to check this..." She's the best. So glad she's my right hand woman. ;) Love  ya, Kare Bear!

Karen and I last spring

Anyway, all of our freshmen are here. Its so exciting! Its funny to see them ask the same questions and not know anything just like us this time last year. I can't wait to get to know these girls better! I know it won't all be milk and honey, but still. I'm excited for the year. I'm already ready for classes to begin so I can get into a normal routine, but I'm trying to enjoy O-week and be excited for the girls.

Well, I'm off to do laundry and get some brunch! Oh, DH brunch, how I've missed you! Till next time...

A Little Less Conversation

Training:

Exhausting. Fun. Funny. Educational. Boring (at times). Overwhelming. Exciting. Encouraging. Frightening. Nerve-wracking. Relieving. Supportive.

Those are just a few words that come to mind. I'll write a real post soon, hopefully

It's All Coming Back To Me Now

I'm officially back at Furman.

No, the freshman aren't here. No, my non-Housing friends aren't back. No, classes haven't started. But tonight, for dinner, I did go to...

That's right, I went to Thaicoon. And it was just as delicious as I remembered! Yum! It was the perfect day for it too because it had been thunderstorming since lunch time. After running in and out of the rain a few times, I was cold! My hair was plastered to my head, my clothes were wet. I was cold through my skin! And there is nothing like a nice plate of pineapple fried rice to warm you up! Not the heathiest choice, but the most delicious! And it was great to spend some time with Katie. I've loved having her at training with me, along with some other friends too.

Burning Love

I'M BACK AT SCHOOL!!!!!!
YAY!!!

Things are going to be crazy with RA training and freshman moving in and all of that, but I am so darn excited!
Thanks to my mother for making my room beautiful (seriously, it feels as much like home as it could), and thanks to my brothers for moving my stuff and then being good sports and moving a friend's stuff in as well. Daddy, thanks for your support mentally, emotionally, and especially financially. My room wouldn't be this great without the $$! Just kidding...sort of.

I can't wait for my roommate to get here and then for the year to get started!

P.S. This post in named in honor of Elvis, thanks to whom I got a little sleep last night.

The Good Life

I did something for the very first time.

Go-Karts.

Yes, I had managed to go 19 years without ever riding/racing Go-Karts. After all, the beach is really the only time you are around those kinds of places, and I would much rather spend all my time on the beach, with the occasional putt putt excursion at night.

But my daddy got it in his head that he wanted to take my brothers and I to race Go-Karts. I may have felt a little trepidation, but I couldn't let my super-cool 17 and 15 year old brothers smell it because then I'd lose what few cool points I have and thus face years of relentless teasing. So I manned up and got on that Kart.

Of course, Little Miss Cautious Me was in last place on the first course. I lagged behind, braking on the curves or when I started going too fast. The second course, Daddy made me drive the Kart in front of his in line, hoping that would give me a boost. Um, definitely not. But, I did gain a little more courage on that. I stopped braking on the curves! Yay! And I got ahead of Grayson at one point, but then he caught up again.

The third course, aka the Course of Mind-Boggling Heights and Sure&Swift Death, was a whole another story. Mama encouraged me to speed ahead, do it for the girls, etc. Nope. First you drove up this spiral, then you went down a little curving hill, then you flew over this drop-off, curved down the hill, and started over. I don't THINK so. Naturally, I rode the brake almost the whole time. After the first run, I just started laughing. I waved at Mama and sang to myself the rest of the time. I went slow and steady, enjoying the drive, singing songs from The Band Perry and Carrie Underwood. It was rather enjoyable.

We went back and did that second course again. This time I was ready. I had my sea legs, or Go-Kart legs, so to speak. It was on. I didn't brake a single time! AND I beat Grayson! Yep, I did. He got ahead of me at one point and kept trying to cut me off, but I got brave and swerved in front of him (as my life flashed before my eyes) and BEAT HIM!!!! I started employing his own tricks on him and I won. Yes sirree!

But it was a really fun day. We had gone to lunch together as a family in Gulf Shores, then went Go-Kart racing, and then we went to the outlet mall! Yeah, that's more like it. My parents bought me a whole new wardrobe, basically (Thanks, Mama and Daddy. Y'all are the best!). It was a really fun day and great time as a family before I head of to school.

Now I'm working on hall decorations like a mad woman. Actually, I'm procrastinating by blogging. But I couldn't blog about the summer without recounting the eventful day where I conquered Go-Karts and beat my brother! (Because trust me, I doubt that I will ever beat him at that again)

Let Me Let Go

Ok. Brace yourselves.

You know the saying, "God won't give me more than I can handle"? Well, I completely disagree with it. I believe that God does give us more than we can handle, and I believe He does it on purpose. I can name a number of times in my life where I couldn't handle something, and that was just the point: I couldn't handle it. It forced me to turn to the Lord, to lay my burdens at His feet, to run to Him and surrender to Him.

I tend to be very self-reliant (aka a nice way of saying control freak). My parents raised me to be very independent, which in most cases is a good thing. When it comes to my relationship with the Lord, that independent streak gets me in a lot of trouble. I like to think I can handle it, that I can do this on my own. I'll realize a sin area and immediately start thinking, "Ok, I can handle this. I'll just deal with it." But that only makes the problem worse! Instead of going away, it becomes an even bigger area of temptation because now I'm bringing my pride and selfishness and that danged self-reliance into it. The whole point of a relationship with the Lord is that we can't. We just can't. But He did and He does and He will!!! The Lord is my freedom, my release, my everything. He is the only One I can rely on.

I realize that that phrase "God doesn't give me more than I can handle," is meant to comfort and encourage, that it really just reminds you that there will be an end, that God is in control. And those are all good things. But I would say there is a lie hidden in there, at least for me. And it has to do with the "I" part of it. Yes, 1 Corinthians 10:13 says, "No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it." First, that has to do with temptation, not suffering. In fact, God promises suffering (John 16:33). And I know God won't tempt us to the point where we absolutely have to give in - I totally agree with that. But He will allow suffering and struggles to the point where we turn to Him in surrender. Because I am a haughty person who thinks she can do it on her own, who constantly refuses help, saying, "No, no. I can do it." But I can't. So when I struggle, I want to remember to turn to God first, not rely on myself. Proverbs 3:5, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding." Man. I want to tattoo that on my heart (or really my brain is probably where I get so messed up...I'm not sure).

I know this probably doesn't make sense. I guess that phrase just holds a false promise to me. In my quest for control, I look for ways where I can handle things. And that phrase provides a loophole for me.

I'm sorry for ranting;  ask my brothers, I do it all the time about seemingly ridiculous things. Poor Roecker has had to sit through more silly rants than anyone else merely because I've driven him so many places (and although he may have wished to, he couldn't jump out of a speeding car)!

On a different note, I got the list of girls on my hall! Yay! I sent their letters today. I'm so excited! Just one more week till I go back to school!