Let Me Let Go

Ok. Brace yourselves.

You know the saying, "God won't give me more than I can handle"? Well, I completely disagree with it. I believe that God does give us more than we can handle, and I believe He does it on purpose. I can name a number of times in my life where I couldn't handle something, and that was just the point: I couldn't handle it. It forced me to turn to the Lord, to lay my burdens at His feet, to run to Him and surrender to Him.

I tend to be very self-reliant (aka a nice way of saying control freak). My parents raised me to be very independent, which in most cases is a good thing. When it comes to my relationship with the Lord, that independent streak gets me in a lot of trouble. I like to think I can handle it, that I can do this on my own. I'll realize a sin area and immediately start thinking, "Ok, I can handle this. I'll just deal with it." But that only makes the problem worse! Instead of going away, it becomes an even bigger area of temptation because now I'm bringing my pride and selfishness and that danged self-reliance into it. The whole point of a relationship with the Lord is that we can't. We just can't. But He did and He does and He will!!! The Lord is my freedom, my release, my everything. He is the only One I can rely on.

I realize that that phrase "God doesn't give me more than I can handle," is meant to comfort and encourage, that it really just reminds you that there will be an end, that God is in control. And those are all good things. But I would say there is a lie hidden in there, at least for me. And it has to do with the "I" part of it. Yes, 1 Corinthians 10:13 says, "No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it." First, that has to do with temptation, not suffering. In fact, God promises suffering (John 16:33). And I know God won't tempt us to the point where we absolutely have to give in - I totally agree with that. But He will allow suffering and struggles to the point where we turn to Him in surrender. Because I am a haughty person who thinks she can do it on her own, who constantly refuses help, saying, "No, no. I can do it." But I can't. So when I struggle, I want to remember to turn to God first, not rely on myself. Proverbs 3:5, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding." Man. I want to tattoo that on my heart (or really my brain is probably where I get so messed up...I'm not sure).

I know this probably doesn't make sense. I guess that phrase just holds a false promise to me. In my quest for control, I look for ways where I can handle things. And that phrase provides a loophole for me.

I'm sorry for ranting;  ask my brothers, I do it all the time about seemingly ridiculous things. Poor Roecker has had to sit through more silly rants than anyone else merely because I've driven him so many places (and although he may have wished to, he couldn't jump out of a speeding car)!

On a different note, I got the list of girls on my hall! Yay! I sent their letters today. I'm so excited! Just one more week till I go back to school!