The Solid Rock

Lately, things have been really hard. But they have been indescribably good at the same time. I have decided ever since I began this blog that I would be honest and transparent, and this is something that is really a part of my life right now and I want to share.

I'm in this period where I am being stripped of a lot of things. God is taking away a lot of my comforts. Family, home, friends, time, a church family, school - God is not allowing me to find shelter in these things. Which stinks, but I am so so thankful.

I've noticed over the past two weeks how I feel a little disconnected from everything. My family is experiencing new things and going through things that I am not there to share - not that they don't love and and don't explain what is going on, but it not the same. Many of my friends are across campus and I don't have enough time to pour into them like I should. I don't have time - and I feel the Lord has called me to all the things that are taking up my time, and I feel that this is intentional on His part. School is much more of a struggle this year, with difficult classes in some subjects I'm not even interested in (Biology, for one). There's a lot going on, a lot of places where I am feeling a little stranded, I suppose you could say.

I'm being broken, and it is hard. God is calling me to Himself. He's saying, "Sara Beth, you have prayed for my perspective, and you have asked to learn to trust me. You have prayed for MY will in your life. This is what following me looks like." Definitely if I am called to missions, my life will be lonely - there won't be friends I can run to immediately or family I can turn to for shelter or a sense of home or anything that I can turn to but the Lord. And even I'm not called to missions, He is who I'm supposed to run to first. Right now He is forcing me to do that, to run to Him first and only. I've realized how quick I am to talk to others about what I'm going through. The other night someone said something that hurt me and I immediately wanted to call someone and complain in "righteous indignation". God called me out on that and I realized that He has to be the One I run to, He has to be my shelter, my refuge, my strength. As I am being broken of these things, as I am learning to trust God completely, I feel His hand so heavily in my life. I feel blessed that He has called me to this. He is teaching me to love and trust Him in a new way, and I thank Him for that every day.

In Hungary, I had no one to turn to but the Lord. Every moment I had to surrender my thoughts to Him and seek His will. And I am experiencing that here (in America) for the very first time! My life is so much fuller because I am constantly turning to the Lord, surrendering my thoughts and feelings and worries and words. He is disciplining me in a way that I have never experienced before, and I feel so loved! I feel like the words in Hosea are true of me - God has called me into the desert to speak tenderly to me. He has torn me to pieces, but He will heal me. He has injured me, but He will bind up my wounds.

 I know the Lord, I have felt His hand on me, I have seen it over the course of my life. I know I am His. He has taken a hold of me and molded me for very specific reasons, and I trust that. I trust His plan. I trust that He is the only One I need. I trust that He is reliable. I believe that He is my one desire, that without Him I am nothing, that in Him I have life and joy and peace and purpose. I want to know Him and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in His sufferings. I want His will in my life, no matter what it is, no matter how hard it is. These words, these declarations, resonate in my soul. It is truth from my heart. Yes, these things are hard, and I mess up, but I have found the secret to being content in EVERY circumstance, and it is Christ Jesus my Lord.

 I praise God even in these struggles because I know He is there and He is sovereign and He is my rock. He is teaching me to run to Him. Life isn't supposed to be easy, He didn't promise me that, and now its time to see if I believe what I say. And I do believe it. I can say that with certainty.