Shadowfeet

At Bible study tonight, we were talking about control. For some reason, Hungary kept coming to mind and being my example for all the situations we talked about.

As I've mentioned MANY times, I love to think I'm in control. I love to be independent, and I love to have MY plan and be in control over everything going on. Um, hello, sin! Right there.

Well tonight, God reminded me again of this, but this time He pointedly told me that I was sinning with Hungary.

I haven't said it on this blog, mostly out of fear I think, but as of now, I am doing all I can to go back to Hungary for the whole summer next year. God gave me so many open doors with the youth group there, and I feel Him guiding me to work with the youth group next summer. I'm trusting that this is His plan and that He will close the doors if it isn't. I'll talk more about that later.

I think about Hungary a lot. As in, every day. And then, since Robin will be in Budapest this weekend, I've been perpetually transported to Diosd in my mind. I got a facebook post from my sweet friend Dori, and suddenly I didn't want to be here any more. That is sort of my struggle, wanting to be in Hungary right now. I love school, I love being an RA, I love being with my friends, but sometimes I just don't want to be here. I know how plentiful the harvest is in Diosd right now, and that is where I want to be. Since I'm walking in faith that God has called me there next summer, its really easy for me to start clinging to that, wishing away my days, taking control of my plans and what I have to do and when I have to do it and how I have to do it. But that is so the opposite point of the whole thing!

The reason I feel called to Hungary next summer is because God is so beyond me! He is so above me, so in control, that He totally changed my heart and gave me direction to a path I honestly hadn't considered before. I remember in Hungary when the thoughts started coming of Hey, I could do this all summer next year... and transformed to I have to come back. God is doing something here and He is using me, I was so stunned, so overwhelmed, so out of control about the whole thing. No, that does not fit my four year plan with school. But it does make sense in my life, because God directed it. He is in control of that. I want to remember that. Times like now when I am trying to control this, I want to remember that no, I'm not in control. That is God's story, His purpose, and I want to leave it to Him to see how it unfolds. I have taken the actions that He has called me to do, and now I'm in a period of waiting, which is good.

This applies to more than Hungary, obviously, but tonight God really called me out. When my heart misses my Hungarian friends and family, that is good, but His best is in every moment. Mama, you say that all the time, and it is so true. I see it every day. But I easily forget it. God has called me to this, to school and being an RA and being with my friends. He has a plan for me here and now, just as He has a plan for me in the near and far future. I don't want to be in control, I want to trust Him. So I'm giving this summer to Him (again). Whenever I think about Hungary or start missing it, I'm going to just pray about it, tell God what I'm feeling and pray for those I know (and don't know!) back in Diosd. If you are so lead, please be praying with me in this, for yourself also: that we would be committed to God's plan and will for our lives and not continually try to take control of it.

Till next time.