Commitment

The Christian life is very cyclical. Those things that I think I know, I find myself having to relearn again and again. There are times of great trust and joy, and then there are times of great trust and sorrow. There are times when I stand back and watch God move, and there are times when I have to fight to keep believing, to keep hoping, to keep waiting.

What I have realized is that this is how God intended it. Not originally, but after Adam and Eve sinned, God made a way through His Son. And He didn't intend for that to be it. From the start, God intended to make me new. He intended to lead me through the cycle of joy, sorrow, sin, salvation, belief and doubt, and then have it start all over again. He intended for me to fall into myself, my sin, my mess, in order to remind me of who He is and what He has done and is doing in me. God never meant for a quick fix. As frustrating as that can be, when I find myself struggling with the same thing over and over and over, it is also something I rejoice in. Because even though I fail, I know that God has not given up on me. When I fail, I know that God truly uses all things for my good, and He will use even that failure to draw me to Himself and make me new.

If I were God, I would just fix everything once. But the beauty lies in the continuity. Nothing else can save me but the Lord. And not only does He save me, but He commits to a relationship with me. He devotes Himself to me, to recreating me, to working in me, to spending time with me, to loving me, to teaching me to trust Him more. That is what it means to have a relationship, that is what it means to be sanctified, that is what it means to know the Lord. Not only does God save me, He commits to me. Knowing that just brings me back to my knees in wonder, awe, and praise.