Waiting Confidently

When I read Daddy's blog post from today, I had already started working on the one I am now posting. Sorry that there is a little overlap, but apparently it was on both of our hearts!

Today, for some reason, I have just wanted to talk to Mama. So many times today, I've picked up my phone, found her name in my contacts, and been ready to click "call" before I remember. She is the one I go to in everything - she's my best friend. And today, it has just been hard that I can't talk to her. Don't get me wrong, I am so thankful that she is still alive and I will be able to talk to her next week, and soon she will be able to talk back. Trust me, I am so aware that it could easily be the other way. But as Mama always says, my real is my real. Right now, my real is that I just want to talk to her and I can't. Today it has been really easy for me to feel sorry for myself, for Mama, for my family.

But God is not letting me rest in that, thank goodness. I have so much to be thankful for, and that sense of gratitude is never far from me. Every time I start feeling down or sorry for myself, God leads me to this place of comfort and content. I mentioned before, I have surrendered her to Him, and He keeps reminding me of that. My hope is in Him, and His joy is my strength. That was one of my favorite parts of Psalm 68, when it says, "He is the one who gives power and strength to His people." Even as He comforts and strengthens me, I still want to talk to my mom, but I also rest in the fact that God has prepared me for where He has me, and He will never leave me nor forsake me.

There is nothing wrong in being uncertain, or sad, or "melancholy" (that one's for you, Katie), or whatever it is that I'm feeling. I realize that. But I am also choosing not to wallow in it, and to choose joy instead. I love what Daddy said, "When you wait on God, no time is lost." And that is where we are, this period of waiting. And waiting is hard, it really is. These next months will be full of waiting - waiting for the next step forward. It will be hard, a different kind of hard than we've ever known. But its worth it.  That I know with confidence. In the end, being where God designed for me to be, doing what He intended me to do, is the only place I want to be. It doesn't matter how hard it is, because it is always right to be there. Its always worth it. I believe what I wrote, that God is going to use this to spread His gospel and His glory. In that lies my confidence in all of this. No matter how much I wish I could call Mama on the phone and talk to her right now, that fades in comparison to how much I want God to be glorified through this. I am willing to wait if it means God will be glorified. That sounds so holy and good of me, and I don't mean for it to come off that way. I have just lived enough, even in my short 21 years, to know that it is always worth it, every time, to go through whatever I have to as long as I am where God wants me to be. I can't think of a way to say it that doesn't sound trite. But I know, I know, deep in my soul on some integral part of my foundation, that in His will is where I want to be. And so even though it isn't easy, I am willing to wait.