To Fight

God never intended following Him to be easy.

There is a reason Paul wrote, "I have fought the good fight." Too often I focus on the adjective "good" rather than the verb - a form of "fight". Following God is something that happens, its something we actively choose and do.

Essentially, everything about knowing the Lord is a battle. It is a constant battle to let go of myself, to relinquish my independence, to sacrifice my selfishness. It is a fight to choose thankfulness, to choose joy, to choose His glory. It is a fight to choose how God meant for me to live - not trying to glorify me but to reveal His glory, not taking on a role that I was never intended to have but surrendering to how God meant it to be. Fighting means making conscious choices, and it means being on my guard. Following God is hard, because it goes against everything my old self tells me to do. My old self fights against my new self to be in control. That is the "good fight," my new self battling my old sinful self. I feel that so keenly. I constantly want to choose my way, but I have to buck and kick and claw to chose His way.

It is hard. And it can be exhausting at the times when I don't "feel" a difference. And that's also a fight - choosing faith not emotion. All of this fighting, this resisting and grappling and overcoming and failing and striving and withstanding, is beautiful. I think that the beauty of knowing the Lord, of following Him, is in the battle. While it would be easy for God to just "fix" me in an instant, what is the purpose of that? It is because of the fight that not only do I truly understand my own sin and my desperate need for the Lord, but it is through the battle that God makes me new. I have this mental image of God's face when I'm fighting, when I'm wrestling for Him. I imagine His wide grin, His victorious laughter, His pride, and His encouragement. He has equipped me, and I imagine Him urging me on, delighting in my battles. Because fighting the good fight is what most reveals God's glory, and it is what most reveals His love for me.