A Year

A month ago, I dreaded this day. I don't know, I think I feared the emotions and memories it would bring up. But as I wrote in my church bulletin this morning (during a service which I honestly didn't pay much attention to till the end), this day has only the power that I give it.

A year ago, my life was changed. I know exactly what I was doing at this time on this day a year ago. I remember waking up to the call from Daddy, packing my things and including a black dress but not allowing myself to think about why, driving straight to the hospital, seeing Daddy's face and feeling his arms around me as I exited the elevators on the 9th floor. I remember walking into Mama's ICU cubicle, shoving all the tears and fears aside, touching her hand and just crying out to Jesus in my heart. April 21, 2012 is a day that I never want to re-live again.

At the same time, if there is another April 21 in my life - and I am sure there will be - there are also somethings I know to be true. Even though this has been the hardest year of my life for a number of reasons, I am still confident in the Lord. I know that He is all that He has promised. I know that He is who He says He is. I know that even as I wander and wait and hope, He is there, He is my Shepherd, my source, my redemption, my life. Even on my worst days, I can say that with confidence. And that confidence only comes from Him.

I am thankful for the work that God has done in my family. I am thankful for what He is doing in my life, even though I honestly can't tell you what that is right now. I am thankful for last summer, I am thankful for the issues and emotions and everything that has been brought up because of the car accident. I don't blame "the accident" for the year that I've had; well, ok, sometimes I do. But I know that God has the best for me in every moment, and He was willing to use that moment of impact to transform me and my family.

I look at the year we have walked through, and honestly, a year is just a measure of time. This isn't over for us, and it may never be. Our story doesn't have a neat ending tied up with a bow. But even I as I wander through this wilderness, these words resonate from my soul: God is faithful. He holds me, and His plan for me is so beyond my plan for myself. It doesn't make sense most of the time, but I can tell you with every cell in my body that I know that God is who He says He is. He is faithful to His promises. And He is worth everything.